“There is no path to happiness. Happiness is the path”
BUDDHA
We’ve all heard that famous quote from Buddha, and while it registers logically to us (we know things can’t make us truly happy), few of us actually understand what that means.
Here’s an example.
A friend of mine was struggling with depression. Things were going really well in his life, but he found himself completely unhappy. While discussing his struggles openly with a small group of us, another friend said “but you have so many great things in your life: your relationship with your wife, your group of close friends, your tight-knit family, your job that you love, even! What could you be so sad about?”
That friend was right – he had, what looked like, everything going so damn well (to the envy of most in fact), so why couldn’t he just focus himself into happiness?
What we tend to do is justify our feeling with external things or circumstances, but when they don’t match up (as in the case with my dear friend), we start to think something is deeply wrong with us. You begin to think things like “will anything make me happy? am I broken? is this just who I am?”
When we start to score our life based on the positives vs negatives we take away our internal power to choose how we want to be in this life, and instead, let life tell us how to be and feel. We let outside forces take control and there are just too many variables at risk: reliance on others, comparison, [bad]news and global issues, to name a few. You live life by default – letting the external dictate your internal.
Point is, he shouldn’t be happy BECAUSE of those things (external), he should be happy FIRST (internal) and those wonderful things will not only become by-products of his happiness, he will find JOY & appreciation in them (what was missing prior).
Happiness has to be our dominant feeling no matter what is going on around us. What Buddha is saying here, is that it’s not the list of positive things in your life that make you happy. Happiness doesn’t need to be the total sum of good things that outweigh the bad. It’s a choice you make to be, despite what’s going on around you.
Will you experience times of suffering and tragedy where a concept like this is next to impossible to comprehend? OF COURSE. We are human and we feel hurt, and sadness, and grief. But we must remember that happiness is a state of being, not based on an accumulation of what does/does not happen to you.
To achieve this we must make it a practice. Focus on self-care, develop a deep love of self, don’t just think but FEEL the gratitude of the wonderful things in life, and ALWAYS #chooseyourself.
